Sapporo Original Rice Lager

5% ABV in one badass can

Sapporo is not a particularly good beer, yet I drink it quite a bit, and I’m not sure why. Correction: I’m too embarrassed to admit why, something I’ll finally do by the end of this review. The big “schtick” with Sapporo—and I’m sure other Asian beers—is that they are made from rice. Ooooh, us Americans are impressed. Rice is so exotic, healthy, high-brow, and fancy compared to the ingredients we make our measley mainstream beers out of. Right? Wrong. Most all American beer is made from a large percentage of rice (upwards of 40% in Budweiser). It’s cause rice is fucking cheap, cheaper than malts and hops for sure, and it’s also a quite nifty agent for turning rich, flavorable, tasty beer into the watery piss brews that most Americans seem to favor. So, truth be told, this beer pretty much tastes like all the American macros. Yet it’s treated as an exotic “import” at many restaurants, bodegas, and delis. Would Bud, Miller, and Coors sell better if they labeled them rice beers? I’m perhaps being a tad unfair to Sapporo. It is a little better than the aforenamed macros, but, quite frankly, I’m not sure that I’m not being seduced by the “foreignness” of it. Whatever the case, whenever I’m at a deli late at night that doesn’t have much selection, I for some reason always grab the $3 can of Sapporo over the $1.50 cans of American beers.

So why do I drink this overpriced Japana-macro beer? I must admit it’s because of the can. It absolutely blows my mind with it sturdiness. It’s like made of Kevlar. I’m not sure a bullet could be shot through it. Why in the hell does Sapporo make such a sturdy can? No human being in the world, even those Christian He-Men that rip telephone books in half to teach you about…????….I’m not sure, could crush one of these cans with their bare hands. In fact, an empty can of Sapporo is still heavier than a completely full unopened can of Bud. Seriously, next time you’re in a deli, lift one of these cans up. They’re like a freaking cylindrical brick.



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