Sparks Light Malt Liquor

6% ABV from a 16 ounce can

Need any more proof that I am most decidedly NOT a beer snob?—I drink and ENJOY a low calorie energy malt liquor meant to taste like some ghetto Red Bull & vodka concoction. I first started drinking these as a poor 22-year-old. They were my go-to “pregaming” libation as $1.50 for each 16 oz. 6% can was an incredibly cheap way to start the evening. Two of these before I hit the bars and I’d be feelin’ good. Three and I’d most certainly make a fool of myself by night’s end. And, if I drank four Sparks then I wouldn’t even leave the house and just say “fuck it” completely to my plans. Now, at age 29, I don’t drink this much any more, but once every few months or so I get nostalgic and decide to grab a can or two. And, you know what?, I still fucking like this. It’s not even a “guilty” pleasure, I truly enjoy this.

I love soda, I love being caffeinated, and this definitely hits those cravings big time. It has a great smell, tastes like candy, is sort of refreshing, turns your tongue orange, and no doubt ruins your teeth. It also gets you shit-faced yet so hopped up on “energy” that you feel like conquering the world. Or hitting on anything that moves.

I’d be lying and trying to be a true snob if I gave Sparks anything lower than a…


(Beer Advocate doesn’t even seem to review this “beer.” I was really curious to see how much they massacred it)


One Response to Sparks Light Malt Liquor

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